Greetings,
Thank you all for the wonderful cards, e-mails, and letters. It has been so comforting to me knowing I have such a strong network of friends. Shit. I have been getting no mail since I moved here. I used to get the warm personable mail addressed 'dear box holder' but there are no postal boxes to be had here in Barrow. So I am not even a box holder. I guess that huge catalog and flyer companies have yet to tap into that vast consumer pool of, 'Dear General Delivery Geek'.
I have stopped paying on my college loans as I feel this Y2K thing is my meal ticket. In a few months I figure we will all be stumbling dumbly around behind the dim glow of mag-lights and rioting for pilot bread and Jell-O in the stores. The powers that be will not miss my occasional college loan check me thinks.
I made it out to America a few weeks ago. I made it back home as well. I would like to take this opportunity to start a search network. On four separate occasions I was robbed. First, someone took my checkbook, later that day my driver's license. Then my hat was stolen along with a brownish sweatshirt. Yep, you guessed it......Kert didn't go with me. People on the Atlantic Coast living in 12 foot houseboats during the hurricane that week lost less shit than I did. Gonna miss that hat.
Went to a wedding where they did not polka. No really...a wedding in the Midwest where there was not a single polka played. Was a bit disappointed for a time...then I found the open bar. There was a five-course meal served. Unfortunately I was seated at the bride's table where I had to eat with the correct utensils and such. There were 4 damn forks for each person. My wife has taught me well...."Just start on the outside you idiot...and leave me alone cause this is a nice place and I can talk to you any time at home".
Now this was a nice wedding. I rented some clothes for the pictures and all. The first course was noodles with a real weak cheese sauce. Around the noodle pile was 4 or 5 little chicken mcnuggets. I thought they were a bit out of place but a welcome sight for me nonetheless. I spread the noodles out a little bit with the outside fork to make it appear that I had eaten some of it and went straight for the nuggets. Now I am not one to complain....well ...scratch that....anyways, these chicken nuggets had been microwaved too long and were WAY too over salted. But chicken nuggets is chicken nuggets and judging from the weak cheese sauce on them noodles I had better fill up on the nuggets. Everyone I asked at the table planned on eating theirs so I had to settle for my five. When the second course came the lady next to me asked if I had enjoyed my scallops. What the hell is a scallop? I excused myself and started for the restroom...but right next to the exit was that damn open bar again. Ben the bartender and I exchanged some more pleasantries and I very artfully asked what the hell a scallop was. He told me and I ordered a double.
I finally made it to the fifth course. The lady came for my plate. I was so excited. I thought I was going to hear my favorite six words; "SAVE YOUR FORK HONEY THERE'S PIE". No luck...four damn forks and no pie, rented clothes, no polka, and a stern lecture from Ben the bartender on spilling drinks. Thank god I only have one more sister's wedding to attend.
There are far too many Illinois people in Chicago. Travel tip for you less worldly than I. Come to think of it, far too many people all together. Had to get a couple of checkups while I was back there to justify the 7 consecutive sick days I took. Haven't seen a dentist in 9 and a half years. I do not think the technology had improved to the point where I wanted to see one of them bastards so I scheduled an eye appointment and a hearing test. Now I knew going in that my vision was perfect and my hearing was shot, as I had not passed a hearing test since the 5th grade. The eye test took 5 minutes but I waited in the waiting room of the hearing clinic for 6 hours and fifteen minutes. I came to find out later that they announced my name several times over the intercom to come back to an examining room. Now what the hell is that...a whisper paging system in a hearing clinic waiting room? But being Norwegian, from the Midwest, and not used to getting what I want, I sat there for 6 hours and fifteen minutes before asking at the counter about how many people were in front of me. Got another lecture that rivaled Ben the bartender. The lecture was about paying attention or something like that...I really don't remember because I was dealing with sweating, a headache, and flashbacks of Ben the bartender. Left Chicago with a damn eyeglass prescription, the Beltone web site address, half the shit I packed for the trip, a strong dislike for scallops, and an attitude.
The Packers had a bye week this Sunday so I was able
to walk past church today.
Those people bother me.
Keeping the faith,
Bruce